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It was amazing! absolutely maginificent!

This play uplifted me! made me feel so much better about myself!


how did it all start ?

What went wrong ?

I must've asked myself this question so many repetitive times!


I was 12, extremely shy, geeky, nerdy looking..with no voice to speak up for myself! i was a nobody!

School was the only "social" life i really had..Being young and living in the community i did, i wasn't allowed to minglewith the outside world much..not even at all!


If school was a female, she would have been a total bitch! An annoying pain in the ass persona!

My classmates were asswipes! i never really got along with anyone..There were times when i found myself stuck in so many different cliques..
At first it seems cool, to be a part of something..To be surrounded with friends..But as i went along with it, it felt so wrong! Like what the hell am i doingamongst these people? i don't even belong here! We're not even on the same page when it comes to the whole concept of life..and living!

I was small..but i was aware! Aware that someday i'd let all these bottled up feelings and emotions, and anger out of my system! I was a time ticking bomb!

Always feeling like an outsider amongst my peers, we never really got along on one simple topic!If they chose to go left,i would choose to go right!it was wierd..I thought school was supposed to be the best years of our lives ?!?!

After a while, i kept on getting more and more exposed to the outside world! And i LOVED IT!I wished i could escape this miserable place and run away to a whole new place, new faces, a new life!!

This shy ugly duckling was turning into a dark,sarcastic, bitchy person! Oh & i got introduced to new hair products!
That's one thing that's bothered me my entire highschool years! everyone teasing me cause of my hair!!
it was soon after that they found out how amazing it is! just a bit of work on it and voila!

There's something that's interesting..people tell me that when i was in kindergarden, i used to play with the boys! Was i never a girly girl back then ? Or did i simply enjoy spending time with the lads ?
I wish my parents had taken more pictures of me when i was a child, and video taped me doing random stuff more often!
I can just imagine watching a video of myself when i was 2! The feelings and emotions that would run through me!So Surreal!

I've always been called names!People had a kick in nicknaming me! A hater.. an outsider..an angry person..crazy..funny..perky..Some people think i'm this bubbly girl, who's always happy! and other thinks that i'm just this big pessimist who hates the world and everything in it!

So who knows me best ?

I guess i have mutli personalities!



So what went wrong ?

Nothing.




I just opened my eyes one day, and came to the conclusion that this is NOT the life i choose to have!

I mean.. yes we're born in a certain way..in a certain family and that family gets to choose our lives and our paths for us!
They decide what we should wear, eat, be exposed to..and so on!But shouldn't that continue only upto a certain age ? let's say 18 for example! Afterwards they should let us be! let us choose the life we want!..to set us free!

That's what I wanted!..i should be able to define and decide what i want to do with my life! and whether people agree on this or not, in my mind this is the right way!

i think right about now, i have a whole new respect for foreigners and the upbringing of their children! I for one, would not want to lock my kid up in a shell and close it so he wouldn't be exposed to the outer world!

So here i am, a lost, confused wanderer..i had hopes and dreams..After highschool i thought i'd be on my way to a place that's far away from here! Boy was i wrong!

I'm still here..but hopefully not for long! I would never forgive myself if i don't give it a try! I want to try everything!

And this is why i auditioned for the play! and got accepted and became an essential member in it! This amongst so much more.

I want to do alot of things..even though i'm not good at all of them! i want to give them a go! My only fear is i won't have enough time! But..do we ever ?

I'm young, i'm aware of that..I just wish i had a time capsule to go back to when i was 12 and do things differently!

And even though, i hated my school and the people in it..and secretly wished Iran could bomb it :D ..i know that everything happens for a reason! And that i could live with!

What's done is done, and what's to come is of more importance.

I stand here alone, a girl with a voice..Finally!

But, no one to back me up !

I might have supporters every now and then..but they'd never understand how i truly feel! They're still living in a box..they'd live according to their parents and their community, because it's easier and more comfortable..Why would they put an effort in what they believe in ?..

So, there you have it..a girl who knows what she wants to do, but doesn't know how to do it..will i ever ??

I can only hope.


One day..