The only reason i'm keeping up with this blog, and trying to note things down, is because in the years to come, i want to look back at all the things that i've posted, and remember things that i had long forgotten! For example i don't want me 10 years from now, reminiscing about the "good ole days" and not remember specific details..like the name of the boy i dated..or how my prom was (it sucked btw, but this is just to set an example)..So yea, here goes:
I've only fallen in love once, i don't know how it happened and what led me to fall for him, but it did..after him there were a couple of other random guys i thought i liked, but truth is, i only wanted someone to hug & cuddle, n the usual stuff couples do..However, there was this one guy i was talking to, like 10 years my senior! and always thought we'd just be friends, nothing more..Oh i was so wrong, i started to like him!! i wanted to date him..i don't get it, i mean all the signals indicated that he was into me as well..but then he just disappeared! haven't heard from him in almost 3 weeks now! So anyway, i guess that was that, all i'd like to tell him now is that..Your loss buddy!..I know i've doubted myself and my abilities in everything throughout the years! i still somehow do, but deep down, i know i'm worth it, & even more! Matter of fact..most guys don't even deserve it! I'm not bragging, i'm just speaking the facts!
Anyway, other than that i've been going through these weird mood swings, mostly sad ones..i'm waiting for my uni results..which will be out on Sunday the 10th!! oh YAY *sarcasm*..but yeah, gotta wait and see.
I got the movie The Dark Knight from this guy who works with me, and i'm gonna watch it on the weekend..OH YAY..i've been hearing so much about it!! and hopefully it's worth the 2.5 hours!!
I've also started walking :D ..which is super GREAT, i'll reach my ideal weight in a matter of months!
On Saturday i'm going to my sister's chalet with Ms. Atkins ;** ..YES we're talking again! i decided i sorta missed her and want her in my life..so i called her and we're on good terms now..and always hopefully!
I'm also looking for a better job..all these interviews and rejections are exhausting me! i feel so lifeless!..Sometimes i just wanna lie on my bed the whole day, the whole week, not doing anything!..not anything productive that is!..but i know what it's like to waste time doing absolutely nothing! i'm a living example! 2 years of nothingness and now i'm trying to get back up on my feet but it's hard!! it's worth the struggle, but i don't have all the necessities, and i don't want to crash and burn!
God, i need you..
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Sunday, August 3, 2008
I WAS PREGNANT!
Okay, now people who know me know that i have the weirdest dreams ever..like ever..
but yesterday's dream..!! well it wasn't weird.. it was just not likely of me to even think of it!!
Dude i was pregant!!! some random dude had knocked me up!! And surprisingly i was very OK with it!! and so were my family.....MY MOM WAS OKAY WITH ME BEING KNOCKED UP MAN!! CAN YOU FRIGGIN IMAGINE ?? ..okay maybe not.
That's besides the point, i was literally fine with conceiving a kid by some random stranger..:|
ANYWAY, i'd decided to give it away..i didn't want to be tied down..my responsibilities would soon increase! i'd have to take care of someone else..other than myself, which btw i do a lousy job at!! ..So i was giving my baby away to my best friend's sister, who was a newlywed, and apparently a barren n couldn't conceive! they were thrilled!! And His family was too!
So everything was miya miya untiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllll.. * drum roll please*.................until i started to ""connect"" with the brat!!........i was actually happy i was going to give birth..knowing he/she would come out my vagina was a bit disturbing..mortifying really.. BUT every mother goes through it, right ?
So a few days before the delivery..while i was "connecting" with my unborn child, i decided i didn't want to give my baby away! I decided the baby was mine, n i wasn't willing to let what's mine go!! so i was gonna keep it!! but didn't tell the foster parents out of fear! i said to myself ill tell em after the baby's born..n well..IT WAS HELL..they were always around me!! even at the hospital on the day of the delivery :( they all looked so happy n cheery, i didn't want to spoil anything....Knowing i'd prolly be forbidden to visit my friend n her family, and we'd probably stop talking afterwards..i seriously couldn't care of anything else except the ""bundle of joy"" that was soon to pop out from my vagina........ofcourse i've always imagined the pain and suffery i'd have to go through..and THANK GOODNESS i didn't dream of that part.....my alarm clock went off at 5:30 AM and woke me up :) AMEN.
Kay so back to me always contradicting myself, and ending up actually liking and wanting the things i always told myself a trillion times i'd never like or do or wtv..ARGHH so i actually want to have babies now.....MATERNAL INSTINCT ??..maybe.....whatever it was, it was nice! to actually create a new being would feel incredible!!
OKay enough with the mushy talk..AHH i wouldn't even want to imagine how my BODY would look like..like a 100 year old saggy woman!! ARE YOU FRIGGIN BULLSHITTING ME?!?!?!WTF..WHY WOULD I DO THAT ??..i liiiike being thin & fit!! i don't want to ruin my figure, no sir :'(
Ahh well, cheers to the bastard who will marry me ..case closed!
Ya but umm, back to my story..what's the friggin meaning of this dream ? Normally people would say it has something to do with my subconscious and that it has "hidden" meanings and secret symbols or wtv..all i know is that they mean something..and whether it's tryna convey a message..or tell me something..i don't friggin know..but i'm superstitious like that..and just plain curious! ..ANYONE ?!?!
*On a lighter note - i just found out this morning that a guy i was seeing like 75645 ages ago is getting engaged :D filthy bastard!! 2al wants to settle down 2al..uhh poor thing that's gonna put up with his psychosis!! i'm just glad he's gonna stop annoying me with his phone calls :) CHEERS TO THAT.
PS. how cool would it be to have a mini me ? ;) someone who i can teach all my tricks and the shiiiiz that i do ;) lolol..seriously! it would be a blessing like no other!!..the world wouldn't be complete until i give birth to an infant!
but yesterday's dream..!! well it wasn't weird.. it was just not likely of me to even think of it!!
Dude i was pregant!!! some random dude had knocked me up!! And surprisingly i was very OK with it!! and so were my family.....MY MOM WAS OKAY WITH ME BEING KNOCKED UP MAN!! CAN YOU FRIGGIN IMAGINE ?? ..okay maybe not.
That's besides the point, i was literally fine with conceiving a kid by some random stranger..:|
ANYWAY, i'd decided to give it away..i didn't want to be tied down..my responsibilities would soon increase! i'd have to take care of someone else..other than myself, which btw i do a lousy job at!! ..So i was giving my baby away to my best friend's sister, who was a newlywed, and apparently a barren n couldn't conceive! they were thrilled!! And His family was too!
So everything was miya miya untiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllll.. * drum roll please*.................until i started to ""connect"" with the brat!!........i was actually happy i was going to give birth..knowing he/she would come out my vagina was a bit disturbing..mortifying really.. BUT every mother goes through it, right ?
So a few days before the delivery..while i was "connecting" with my unborn child, i decided i didn't want to give my baby away! I decided the baby was mine, n i wasn't willing to let what's mine go!! so i was gonna keep it!! but didn't tell the foster parents out of fear! i said to myself ill tell em after the baby's born..n well..IT WAS HELL..they were always around me!! even at the hospital on the day of the delivery :( they all looked so happy n cheery, i didn't want to spoil anything....Knowing i'd prolly be forbidden to visit my friend n her family, and we'd probably stop talking afterwards..i seriously couldn't care of anything else except the ""bundle of joy"" that was soon to pop out from my vagina........ofcourse i've always imagined the pain and suffery i'd have to go through..and THANK GOODNESS i didn't dream of that part.....my alarm clock went off at 5:30 AM and woke me up :) AMEN.
Kay so back to me always contradicting myself, and ending up actually liking and wanting the things i always told myself a trillion times i'd never like or do or wtv..ARGHH so i actually want to have babies now.....MATERNAL INSTINCT ??..maybe.....whatever it was, it was nice! to actually create a new being would feel incredible!!
OKay enough with the mushy talk..AHH i wouldn't even want to imagine how my BODY would look like..like a 100 year old saggy woman!! ARE YOU FRIGGIN BULLSHITTING ME?!?!?!WTF..WHY WOULD I DO THAT ??..i liiiike being thin & fit!! i don't want to ruin my figure, no sir :'(
Ahh well, cheers to the bastard who will marry me ..case closed!
Ya but umm, back to my story..what's the friggin meaning of this dream ? Normally people would say it has something to do with my subconscious and that it has "hidden" meanings and secret symbols or wtv..all i know is that they mean something..and whether it's tryna convey a message..or tell me something..i don't friggin know..but i'm superstitious like that..and just plain curious! ..ANYONE ?!?!
*On a lighter note - i just found out this morning that a guy i was seeing like 75645 ages ago is getting engaged :D filthy bastard!! 2al wants to settle down 2al..uhh poor thing that's gonna put up with his psychosis!! i'm just glad he's gonna stop annoying me with his phone calls :) CHEERS TO THAT.
PS. how cool would it be to have a mini me ? ;) someone who i can teach all my tricks and the shiiiiz that i do ;) lolol..seriously! it would be a blessing like no other!!..the world wouldn't be complete until i give birth to an infant!
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