Downright Misfit

Days of my life..

2008-08-07T11:33:00.004+03:00

The only reason i'm keeping up with this blog, and trying to note things down, is because in the years to come, i want to look back at all the things that i've posted, and remember things that i had long forgotten! For example i don't want me 10 years from now, reminiscing about the "good ole days" and not remember specific details..like the name of the boy i dated..or how my prom was (it sucked btw, but this is just to set an example)..So yea, here goes:

I've only fallen in love once, i don't know how it happened and what led me to fall for him, but it did..after him there were a couple of other random guys i thought i liked, but truth is, i only wanted someone to hug & cuddle, n the usual stuff couples do..However, there was this one guy i was talking to, like 10 years my senior! and always thought we'd just be friends, nothing more..Oh i was so wrong, i started to like him!! i wanted to date him..i don't get it, i mean all the signals indicated that he was into me as well..but then he just disappeared! haven't heard from him in almost 3 weeks now! So anyway, i guess that was that, all i'd like to tell him now is that..Your loss buddy!..I know i've doubted myself and my abilities in everything throughout the years! i still somehow do, but deep down, i know i'm worth it, & even more! Matter of fact..most guys don't even deserve it! I'm not bragging, i'm just speaking the facts!

Anyway, other than that i've been going through these weird mood swings, mostly sad ones..i'm waiting for my uni results..which will be out on Sunday the 10th!! oh YAY *sarcasm*..but yeah, gotta wait and see.

I got the movie The Dark Knight from this guy who works with me, and i'm gonna watch it on the weekend..OH YAY..i've been hearing so much about it!! and hopefully it's worth the 2.5 hours!!

I've also started walking :D ..which is super GREAT, i'll reach my ideal weight in a matter of months!

On Saturday i'm going to my sister's chalet with Ms. Atkins ;** ..YES we're talking again! i decided i sorta missed her and want her in my life..so i called her and we're on good terms now..and always hopefully!

I'm also looking for a better job..all these interviews and rejections are exhausting me! i feel so lifeless!..Sometimes i just wanna lie on my bed the whole day, the whole week, not doing anything!..not anything productive that is!..but i know what it's like to waste time doing absolutely nothing! i'm a living example! 2 years of nothingness and now i'm trying to get back up on my feet but it's hard!! it's worth the struggle, but i don't have all the necessities, and i don't want to crash and burn!

God, i need you..

I WAS PREGNANT!

2008-08-03T11:02:00.004+03:00

Okay, now people who know me know that i have the weirdest dreams ever..like ever..

but yesterday's dream..!! well it wasn't weird.. it was just not likely of me to even think of it!!

Dude i was pregant!!! some random dude had knocked me up!! And surprisingly i was very OK with it!! and so were my family.....MY MOM WAS OKAY WITH ME BEING KNOCKED UP MAN!! CAN YOU FRIGGIN IMAGINE ?? ..okay maybe not.

That's besides the point, i was literally fine with conceiving a kid by some random stranger..:|

ANYWAY, i'd decided to give it away..i didn't want to be tied down..my responsibilities would soon increase! i'd have to take care of someone else..other than myself, which btw i do a lousy job at!! ..So i was giving my baby away to my best friend's sister, who was a newlywed, and apparently a barren n couldn't conceive! they were thrilled!! And His family was too!

So everything was miya miya untiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllll.. * drum roll please*.................until i started to ""connect"" with the brat!!........i was actually happy i was going to give birth..knowing he/she would come out my vagina was a bit disturbing..mortifying really.. BUT every mother goes through it, right ?

So a few days before the delivery..while i was "connecting" with my unborn child, i decided i didn't want to give my baby away! I decided the baby was mine, n i wasn't willing to let what's mine go!! so i was gonna keep it!! but didn't tell the foster parents out of fear! i said to myself ill tell em after the baby's born..n well..IT WAS HELL..they were always around me!! even at the hospital on the day of the delivery :( they all looked so happy n cheery, i didn't want to spoil anything....Knowing i'd prolly be forbidden to visit my friend n her family, and we'd probably stop talking afterwards..i seriously couldn't care of anything else except the ""bundle of joy"" that was soon to pop out from my vagina........ofcourse i've always imagined the pain and suffery i'd have to go through..and THANK GOODNESS i didn't dream of that part.....my alarm clock went off at 5:30 AM and woke me up :) AMEN.

Kay so back to me always contradicting myself, and ending up actually liking and wanting the things i always told myself a trillion times i'd never like or do or wtv..ARGHH so i actually want to have babies now.....MATERNAL INSTINCT ??..maybe.....whatever it was, it was nice! to actually create a new being would feel incredible!!

OKay enough with the mushy talk..AHH i wouldn't even want to imagine how my BODY would look like..like a 100 year old saggy woman!! ARE YOU FRIGGIN BULLSHITTING ME?!?!?!WTF..WHY WOULD I DO THAT ??..i liiiike being thin & fit!! i don't want to ruin my figure, no sir :'(

Ahh well, cheers to the bastard who will marry me ..case closed!

Ya but umm, back to my story..what's the friggin meaning of this dream ? Normally people would say it has something to do with my subconscious and that it has "hidden" meanings and secret symbols or wtv..all i know is that they mean something..and whether it's tryna convey a message..or tell me something..i don't friggin know..but i'm superstitious like that..and just plain curious! ..ANYONE ?!?!

*On a lighter note - i just found out this morning that a guy i was seeing like 75645 ages ago is getting engaged :D filthy bastard!! 2al wants to settle down 2al..uhh poor thing that's gonna put up with his psychosis!! i'm just glad he's gonna stop annoying me with his phone calls :) CHEERS TO THAT.

PS. how cool would it be to have a mini me ? ;) someone who i can teach all my tricks and the shiiiiz that i do ;) lolol..seriously! it would be a blessing like no other!!..the world wouldn't be complete until i give birth to an infant!

Losing my Brain Cells..

2008-07-28T08:09:00.004+03:00

Alright, i'm completely aware that i've been MIA since May 21st.....but BEHOLD, The great DM is back.. and back for good :D..for now :/

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I, personally stereotype people A LOT, they're just too predictable. unless they act like total A-holes, umm ya I sort of saw it coming, but somewhat done differently.

What can I say, people are too dull and annoying to be around! 99% of the population are annoying fuckers who are totally dispensable, I’d totally pour gasoline all over you & burn you to ashes, if 30 years to life was not the obstacle. (Hitler much ?)

I want EXCITEMENT! People who are not afraid to be themselves..And by that I don’t mean people who are friggin optimistic & freakishly perky 24 fucking 7.

exhibit A – How annoying is it to go to starbucks early in the morning, like reeeally early (and this has actually happened to me) , sit down wait for your order..A guy walks in..he’s tall, white, with seemingly nice hair..and great dentals, which you can spot a mile away! Dude is grinning like his sides are about to split!! DUDE IS OVERLY EXCITED AND HAPPY..WHY ?? FREAKING WHY ?? ..You can tell dude’s not from around here..he’s most probably an arab who’s lived in a foreign country..he’s DEFO not a khaliji! So he sits on the table right across mine, looks at me, and smiles,, and well, being the loving gentle, “peaceful” creature that I am ..I smile back,,he smiles again, he looks around, and smiles some more,,,,looks at me and goes “what a wonderful morning :D” ..so I’m thinking.,”Someone got lucky this morning?! Was It a new condom he used ?? hmm..”..(off topic but why do people refer to fucking as getting lucky? It’s fucking annoying..)....Okay DUDE, I like the fact that you’re happy  but unless you’re a chick, or Gay, you do NOT do that in public dude, ..you never know when you’ll run into your future wife, and as you very well know, first impressions count the most..Unless you’re me, then you’re bound to make a complete fool of yourself,,on your 1st, 2nd , 3rd & most possibly all the impressions you’ll be making throughout your entire freaking life..(which include tripping, spilling, starring (I like to call observing), breaking, randomly blabbering non stop..like right now :/ ) But ya, he sort of cheered me up………I SAID SORT OF, SO BACK OFF!

.

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Aaaand I do NOT like people who are too fucking depressive……friggin bums!

People who cannot stop complaining, bitch pleeeeease, I’ve got my own shit to deal with! I don’t need to listen to yours! Let me get one thing straight..when it comes to this..Sharing is NOT Caring!..Unless I give you the green light, shut your yapp!

.

I’ve not run into that many unique people…..well ofcourse God thinks every1z unique in his/her own special way,,suuuure, that’s what we tell handi’s!! but that doesn’t mean they actually ARE..so don’t flatter yourself much..

I’ve met a lot of PLASTICS! ..The worst part is, them knowing who they are, and actually liking it. I actually tried being one, yeah sue me!………But it didn’t work. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’ve never been able to fit myself into any category..might as well join the looserss, they seem to have an opening for an extra member..eekh.

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*to be continued..*

FooFy's Birthday

2008-05-21T07:34:00.002+03:00

So last weekend, i went out with one of my close friends to celebrate his birthday! There were supposedly going to be 8 people in total! 3 girls and 5 guys.. So when we get to Friday's, we were the 1st ones there, me n him, we wait for about half an hour until the other 4 guys showed up..now, i'm not sayin i don't mingle with boys and try to be a part of the "shillah" bs these are the kind that only talk about the shallow things..ya3ny my relationship with them would be totally "9a67i"..

And so i was feeling left out & wierded out..until Kesha (the 2nd girl) came along..HIIYA!

The 3rd girl bailed out on us..loser!!..and ofcourse me & Kesha were feeling bored out of our minds, so she suggested(jokingly) that we go for a ride on the gulf in her Mercedes convertible..yessssss! i said let's go!

Her ride is amazingg! and the color..RED!!

It took us about 40 minutes or so to go for a spin and then go back to Friday's!

The girl drives like a maniac, hehe, and there were shitload of guys following us, now you don't see me complaining, but..ya3ny ma9a5tooha 3ad..

This one guy was following us in his huge big ass Yukon, he followed us all the way back to the parking, we tried to dodge & lose him, but he insisted on following us! :/

So Kesha lowered the volume & was like "na3am?"

He started saying some stuff..i couldn't stop laughing at that point..

"bas kilma" he insisted! lool..i couldn't even look at him with a straight face..

And then the most interesting thing happened! this was a 1st for me bsara7a..!!

She said "i have a boyfriend"..and he was like "9j ? 7elfay?"..she was like "ee i have a bf"..and he just simply up & left.. i was like "WHAT ? R U KIDDING ME? THAT'S IT ?? THAT'S ALL IT TOOK ?" loool & we were cracking up..

We went inside..and sat with the boys..they brought the cake (chocolate) ..put it on the table,,and all of a sudden Foofy's friends just slammed his head into the cake..loool!!

It was fun, but it could definitely have been better!

XoXo

Upcoming weekend

2008-05-20T07:38:00.004+03:00

So i've got my BFF's sister's engagement party to attend to on thursday, and i've got everything ready, my pink dress, my pink shoes, my pink purse, my pink head band,lol my pink phone!..except one little itsy bitsy minor detail.....MY HAIR!!

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT MY HAIR ?

Should i straighten my extremely curly hair ?

Or should i leave it curly and go to an engagement party and look like i'm going to a regular gathering..NO! i have to straighten it!!

I've been wanting to change my look for quite some time now..i used to change it every couple of months/weeks even! But then my hair started to fall oo balawy ! :(

Anyhoo..i'm really excited..i hope all goes well..

And i don't know why the sudden obsession with pink lately! i find it rather cute~ :)

Back in highschool you would have NEVER seen me wear pink! it was always black, black & black..But, i'm starting to get more colorful as time goes by :)

I now like to feel vibrant & ALIVE.

OK, so this partay is going to start at 9/10 & end around 2/3 AM..i hope they play good music or else i'll be bored out of my mind!!

On friday however, i'm having a gathering @ my place for the girlies! Hope everyone shows up, cause i aint goin shopping tomorrow for nuthin!

On saturday....i might hit the beach for a good tan..we'll have to wait and see what happens.

Afterall, why make plans!

As John Lennon said, and i quote " life happens when you're too busy making plans"..and got shot & died........Oh well! :)

XoXo

Embrace Innovation <3

2008-05-16T10:16:00.003+03:00

Friday morning, and my parents are travelling for their 3 months summer vacation!

It's gonna be somewhat hard taking care of the house, but i suppose i'll manage..i've done it before & i can do it again.

So it's FooFy's birthday on Sunday! we were initially gonna go out to Friday's yesterday, but with the Sheikh's death, it was closed everywhere! So we decided today would be best!

i just hope during this long period of time, i can fix my sleeping disorder, and quite possibly sleep longer, for atleast 8 hours everyday!

Me & homegirl(my BFF) are no longer as close as we used to be..her bf is her main getaway person now! I guess i've put up with her attitude for a long time..i mean, yes she has school, yes her parents are a pain in the ass, yes she has problems in her life, but to shun me out ...... i didn't think she had it in her.

Oh well, people tend to be disappointing..

It's her sister's engagement next thursday, i'm going to attend it, but i don't think we'll have much contact afterwards!

I had the wierdest dream last night/this morning..i was in school, and i had a fight with 2 guys..and ended up getting expelled! :S & Hadi was my teacher! lol.......

My daddio was sick & hospitalized.. It was homegirl's sister's engagement party,and they were doing it @ their place..but their house was different in my dream..it looked somewhat better!lol

I'm going to try & look @ the brighter side of things..i'm trying..so hopefully it'll work !

Hope summer brings out the best in all of us ;*

Out with BillyBob!

2008-05-09T21:12:00.004+03:00

What a transformation!

Good news: i don't feel as down as i have been all day yesterday!

i don't know what it is exactly, that's eating me inside out! that little disease in me that keeps on crawling back everytime..when i remember i just shiver..

What is it ? i can't quite put my fingers on it, but it's the fear that lives inside me..

How could've i let in all those people easily,and been naive enough to not have known thay one day..i would have to replace them!

AHH..the pain & misery that is love!

Anyhoo, from now on i'll think happy thoughts! Thanks to my friend BillyBob who always make me feel out of this world :) even for a lil while! he cheers me up ;*

I'm currently psyched about the new pink Samsung phone i bought! will have to go and pimp it though..crystalization, baybeh!

Foofy called! oh, how considerate of him! a true friend in deed! if only they can see that........*breathe out*

life is full of surprises..i never said i don't like surprises, because i love them! But sometimes, the shock is just too painful.

Oh well!

Stay tuned..

Mother&^%$*#

2008-05-09T21:10:00.001+03:00

ARGH! I HATE back-stabbers!!
God forgive me if i've ever backstabbed anyone!!
How some people are heartless enough to just stick a knife to your back and walk away with a clear conscience, i'll never know!
Whether they are your friends, lovers, family..what ever, doesn't matter!
My friend has once again managed to flake out on me, i have come to the conclusion that her bf is much more important than me! Tayeb! ana awareech!
The guy which i had a crush on (aka asswipe!) is a fucking player who has a date on friday with some chick (surprise, surprise!), and HOW i found this out ? By his friend,well not really friend, but co-worker..he tells him everything, and he tells me everything!How convenient, right ? How fucking repulsive! Makes me sick to my stomach..and the worst part is..get this!..he WORKS with me! Both of them do! fuck this shit..go back to the shit hole you came from! Fuck fuck fuck!
This ought to be a valuable lesson for me!
note to self *don't trust any guy ever again in your entire life! the bastard who wants my trust, will have to earn it! And at this point, i don't think it's even possible!*
A-holes!!
That settles it! i'm out of the dating game..Not that i was ever in it, but now i'm officially out! Bish!

Borring~

2008-04-29T09:17:00.004+03:00

In my poor attempt to make brownies yesterday, i read the recipe paper which i had printed out @ work..I mean there's a first time for everything, right ?

So i mixed and poured & mixed some more..the color was not as dark as it was supposed to be, but it's okay, cause then it gave me the excuse of calling it "caramel brownie"..lol..

It was done around 8-ish..my mom took a bite & said it's too good, except for the excessive sugar..i mean i recipe did mention i have to put 3 cups of sugar..and so i did! But she had a point! it was too sweet, and it would've been softer if i had put less sugar in it! prolly 1 1/2 cup ?!?!

My brother took a bite and said it's gooood :D but fattening..lyke duh ?

My sister, as always, didn't say a thing :( i doubt she even tasted it!

Speaking of which! It's her birthday tomorrow, so as soon as i'm up tomorrow morning, i'll give her the Swarovski bracelet i got for her :D and the card, ofcourse..

I hope she likes them!

So..i'm psyched about baking..i just hope i get around to learning how to make those yummy delish brownies! aaandddd i also have to learn how to make cookies! :( Butterscotch cookies in particular!

I brought those "caramel brownies" to work today..gave one to the guy next to me..he didn't say anything! I take it he didn't like it ? lol

I'm gonna give one to who ever comes my way..but most importantly, COMPLIMENT IT PEOPLE! hee hee

Me and the other girl switched positions for a week..I'm supposed to know what she's doing and vice versa! In case one of takes a leave, the other one has to do both tasks!

So I sit here..upstairs..in exile..butttt, i figure it's only for a couple of days!

But hey! it's not that bad! i mean yeah she has a sucky job..but the place is actually nice! Even though i have the HR guy's office on my left side, and the CEO's on my right..it's not so bad, RIGHT ?

I like the fact that the lights are dimmed here..and i like her table! it's glass and i'm lovin it!!

Butt..Only for a week..:(

So yesterday, Diaa - the astrology freak - my sort of BFF - aka studying in Jordan - told me that as of the 29th of this month - aka today - everything will get better, and that today (lol) will be the best day of the year!

OKay, i know i read my horoscope/astrology from time to time, and even though i've subscribed to Sara Freder's mailing list (LOL), i try and not believe in these things! EVEN THOUGH..things have happened in the past that have made me believe in them..things that i've read and that have come true!..lol..i need a shrink!

How is that possible when i hate Tuesdays!..lol..Supersticious much you ask ?

No.

Just a freak of nature.

Untitled

2008-04-27T10:20:00.008+03:00

It was amazing! absolutely maginificent!

This play uplifted me! made me feel so much better about myself!

how did it all start ?

What went wrong ?

I must've asked myself this question so many repetitive times!

I was 12, extremely shy, geeky, nerdy looking..with no voice to speak up for myself! i was a nobody!

School was the only "social" life i really had..Being young and living in the community i did, i wasn't allowed to minglewith the outside world much..not even at all!

If school was a female, she would have been a total bitch! An annoying pain in the ass persona!

My classmates were asswipes! i never really got along with anyone..There were times when i found myself stuck in so many different cliques..
At first it seems cool, to be a part of something..To be surrounded with friends..But as i went along with it, it felt so wrong! Like what the hell am i doingamongst these people? i don't even belong here! We're not even on the same page when it comes to the whole concept of life..and living!

I was small..but i was aware! Aware that someday i'd let all these bottled up feelings and emotions, and anger out of my system! I was a time ticking bomb!

Always feeling like an outsider amongst my peers, we never really got along on one simple topic!If they chose to go left,i would choose to go right!it was wierd..I thought school was supposed to be the best years of our lives ?!?!

After a while, i kept on getting more and more exposed to the outside world! And i LOVED IT!I wished i could escape this miserable place and run away to a whole new place, new faces, a new life!!

This shy ugly duckling was turning into a dark,sarcastic, bitchy person! Oh & i got introduced to new hair products!
That's one thing that's bothered me my entire highschool years! everyone teasing me cause of my hair!!
it was soon after that they found out how amazing it is! just a bit of work on it and voila!

There's something that's interesting..people tell me that when i was in kindergarden, i used to play with the boys! Was i never a girly girl back then ? Or did i simply enjoy spending time with the lads ?
I wish my parents had taken more pictures of me when i was a child, and video taped me doing random stuff more often!
I can just imagine watching a video of myself when i was 2! The feelings and emotions that would run through me!So Surreal!

I've always been called names!People had a kick in nicknaming me! A hater.. an outsider..an angry person..crazy..funny..perky..Some people think i'm this bubbly girl, who's always happy! and other thinks that i'm just this big pessimist who hates the world and everything in it!

So who knows me best ?

I guess i have mutli personalities!

So what went wrong ?

Nothing.

I just opened my eyes one day, and came to the conclusion that this is NOT the life i choose to have!

I mean.. yes we're born in a certain way..in a certain family and that family gets to choose our lives and our paths for us!
They decide what we should wear, eat, be exposed to..and so on!But shouldn't that continue only upto a certain age ? let's say 18 for example! Afterwards they should let us be! let us choose the life we want!..to set us free!

That's what I wanted!..i should be able to define and decide what i want to do with my life! and whether people agree on this or not, in my mind this is the right way!

i think right about now, i have a whole new respect for foreigners and the upbringing of their children! I for one, would not want to lock my kid up in a shell and close it so he wouldn't be exposed to the outer world!

So here i am, a lost, confused wanderer..i had hopes and dreams..After highschool i thought i'd be on my way to a place that's far away from here! Boy was i wrong!

I'm still here..but hopefully not for long! I would never forgive myself if i don't give it a try! I want to try everything!

And this is why i auditioned for the play! and got accepted and became an essential member in it! This amongst so much more.

I want to do alot of things..even though i'm not good at all of them! i want to give them a go! My only fear is i won't have enough time! But..do we ever ?

I'm young, i'm aware of that..I just wish i had a time capsule to go back to when i was 12 and do things differently!

And even though, i hated my school and the people in it..and secretly wished Iran could bomb it :D ..i know that everything happens for a reason! And that i could live with!

What's done is done, and what's to come is of more importance.

I stand here alone, a girl with a voice..Finally!

But, no one to back me up !

I might have supporters every now and then..but they'd never understand how i truly feel! They're still living in a box..they'd live according to their parents and their community, because it's easier and more comfortable..Why would they put an effort in what they believe in ?..

So, there you have it..a girl who knows what she wants to do, but doesn't know how to do it..will i ever ??

I can only hope.

One day..

The Sucky Farewell

2008-04-27T10:17:00.003+03:00

I shed a few tears as i sat on my bed thinking about what just happened! i had closed another chapter of my life! A short one might i add..

It was nice being around them! getting to know them..and just acting! an amazing experience!

It's scary..to meet new people..get to know them..and just as i've gotten comfy around them, it's time to say goodbye and move on! Why oh why!

i'll miss Josef the most! he's amazing..even though we've had our bad moments, he's a nice fella to be around!

And Jackie! even though i didn't spend much time with her, i felt like there's more to her! There's a story behind that sad face! if only i had found out what it is..will we ever meet again ? Only God knows.

My last night on stage..and it felt amazing..i hope they rebuild the theatre again! i'm looking forward to going back there and being a part of another production!

I'm scared of being scared! of getting my heart broken....I thought the only thing i was scared of was the dark ?and creepy insects! lol..These emotions and anxieties have come back to haunt me once again! Oh the mess..

I'm happy..i'm sad..i'm a deep blue sea of mixed emotions.

This too shall pass..

Just A Girl

2008-04-24T09:17:00.003+03:00

What do i know ? i'm just a girl

What do i know ? i've no place in this world

What can I possibly offer you..

I've no strength..no brain..no saying in the matter

My opinions don't concern you one bit!

i am born with no rights

What ever i do..is concidered a "privilege" to you

I am insignificant

An unimportant brick in the wall

Don't bother staring at me in the eyeballs

I know you..you'd just be checking your reflection

So just walk past by me as if i don't even exist

I am but a girl, what am I worth ?

My life is planned out from birth

You can twist & turn me as you wish

You think i belong to you ?

That you're entitled to shut me up ?

What makes you think you own me!

Why should i sacrifice myself & what i believe in..for you ?

What about MY visions ? MY dreams ?

What about what I want ?

Ever took 2 minutes out of your busy schedule to ask me ?

Scream at me..yell..bluster in madness

Your words enter from one ear, and out the other

You provoked me, and so i fought back

I have no regrets..no remorse what so ever towards my actions

My tears were well worth it

The only thing i'm sorry about

Is the mistake that was me.

Who dares not speak his free thoughts is a slave — Euripides

Nothing lasts forever 2

2008-04-21T11:24:00.002+03:00

Here's the convo i had with my friend..FooFy ;*

& he's righttt!!

Him: call her see wats up with her

9eeray a7sn mnha

Moi: i dnt kno

i guess im scared of having friends in my life and knowing that someday ill lose em

Him: yuba walla ely yabeech oo y3zech ma ra7 y5leech aw ma ys2al faj2a

And you know what! That is SO TRUE!!!! & from now on i'll live by that! And God forgive me if i ever forget to call up my friends every now and then!!

Nothing lasts for ever..

2008-04-21T11:11:00.004+03:00

So what went wrong ?

We used to be best friends! those couple of months were the best ! Even though i've only known you for like, less than 6 months..you were more than a friend! you were a soulmate!

You're one of the best people i've ever met!

After you quit your job, we just started to drift apart......and the saddest part is that, i used to critisize people who let go of their friends..who just stop asking or calling, and even caring..that's what happened..to me..to you..to our friendship!

You were my bestie!

I hope you know that i love you..always will.

In my Opinion..

2008-04-14T08:13:00.005+03:00

The most annoying saying ever(well not ever, but in the meantime) is 'Behind every great man is a woman'......WTF....Okay, just to clear things out..i'm not a feminist! and you would never find me in one of those Woman's Rights sororities trying to defend women in any way possible, unless i'm asked to, or i'm just doing it for the purpose of helping someone, or if i'm trying to make a certain point & that's the only way i can..But other than that, i wouldn't be caught dead in one of em..because unlike some people, i honestly could care less about what people,AKA men think about me as a female, i know my rights! and i know that i'm entitled to do anything & everything i want!

Too bad i live in a fucked up society..

But yea, back to my point..How come it's the man that's in the front, and not the woman ?? Why is it that men think they're superior ?? Well, excuse you, it just so happens that unlike you - the male, women think with their heads,rather than their vaginas!

YESSS i'm mad, and i'm mad at the world,,i'm mad at every male there is, dead / alive/ unborn.....you're all disgusting creatures & you make me sick!!!!!

Oh, on a lighter note, in my opinion - from now on, if a girl wants to befriend a guy and vice versa, they should define their friendship.. Let the other person know about your intentions towards them, and make it loud and clear from the start..

Here's the scenario, there's this guy that i like (as a friend), and we hang around from time to time, he tells me his share of stories and i do mine..and for some reason, he's coming on to me!! DUDE! you're married for christ's sake!!! YOUR WIFE'S PREGNANT.....arghhhhhh &%##@^*^% i think it's time i end this friendship.

PS. i also don't buy in to the saying 'the sky is the limit'..there are no limits.......best believe it !

Memoirs of a Broken Heart

2008-04-12T21:18:00.005+03:00

it was December of 2006, my senior year..My school teacher announced that they were going to take us to a 2 day conference in Sheraton, regarding terrorism and such.We were all so thrilled we'd get to escape school for 2 days!
The 1st day arrived and we went..it was Our school along with other english schools..indian,arabic & french!
It was boring as hell, but somehow i managed to bypass it..Sitting around the dining table,my classmates(the girls) told me how happy they are i actually tagged along for this one! Me being the distant & carefree person that i am, i never interacted with my classmates outside of school! Not my type of people :p
The 1st day ended as the 2nd day began..i remember it so clearly..i remember what i was wearing, and i remember it raining..i remember i ran under the rain for a brief moment just to feel the rain on my skin,,until the headmaster started shouting!LOL
I went up to my classroom along with some of the girls and blew dried myself..and then once the entire class arrived, we were off to the conference!
There were several groups..all of the students had to choose which group they wanted to be in, we were to be divided into what i recall were 3 groups! Our headmistress told us to stick together and choose 1 group, it would be better this way..
On that day, i gave a little speech, it was a request from my headmistress that ido so..it being my first, i was so nervous, i was talking so fast..but they all told me i did a great job!
After a while, it was time to take a break, me and my classmates started roaming around from one place to another..at some point we ended up in the bathroom, as some of the girls were fixing their hair/make up,,and some of them chilling in the sitting room inside the bathroom with those funky massage machines!
A bit before the last session was to start,we were chilling outside the hallroom,just talking and hanging around, i don't quite remember what happened, but one thing led to another, and one of the boys really hurt my feelings,my eyes filled up with tears..I left them & went and sat inside on my own as tears started streaming down my face..the hallroom was 3/4 empty, as most students were outside..at that moment, on the corner of my eye, i saw someone walk towards me from the front,and as he reached my end of the seats, he turned back, and started giggling,so did his friends!In my mind i was wondering what the hell was going on! All of a sudden, a couple of my classmateswalked in & were asking me if i was okay..and then it hit me! "OHH,that guy wanted to come up & talk to me!"..as my classmates were talking to me,trying to get me to go out with them..all i said was "guys, im fine,really! i just need some time to think!" LOL..So they left..and 2 minutes later,i see that same guy walk up towards me,and this time he came up to me and we had the following convo:
Him: Hi, can i sit here ?
Me: *Smiling* ya sure,go ahead..
i don't quite remember the entire convo we had, it was so fast,and oh well, my memory sucks!
Him: Why are you crying ?
Me: umm, one of the guys said something..and uuhh well it's personal..sorry
Again, very blurry memory..
Him: Can i have your number?
Me: I don't give my number to players..(LOL)
Him: *looks at me sarcastically* what makes you think i'm a players ?
Me: well i've seen you walking around with a bunch of girls with you..
Him: they're my classmates!!....(LOOOL fashla:p)
Me: oh..hehe..
Him: it's okay, you don't have to gimme your number if you don't want to..
Me: no it's okay..*giving him my number*
And then there was a pause for about a minute..until he up & left..GAY! I KNOW
After a while, my classmates came storming in!
Classmate: You need time to THINK, HUH ? ;)
Me: hehehehe,sue me :p

They all kept asking me about him,,who he is..what went on between us, and a bunch of corky questions!

Session began, and all i could think about was how wierd it was..it was the first time EVER for me to give out my number just like that,,heck it was the first time to get introduced to someone like that! But he was cute..and he seemed like a nice fella..it was somehow worth it..
He was sitting on the front of my right side..i kept on staring at him..couldn't stop thinking of what had just happened..dazed..confused..

Not knowing that this was just the beginning of a tragedy..

*to be continued..*

The Notebook

2008-04-11T19:39:00.001+03:00

My dearest Allie,

I couldn't sleep last night because
I know that it's over between us.

I'm not bitter anymore, because I know
that what we had was real.

And if in some distant
place in the future

we see each other
in our new lives,

I'll smile
at you with joy

and remember how
we spent a summer beneath the trees

learning from each other
and growing in love.

The best love
is the kind that awakens the soul

and makes us
reach for more,

that plants a fire
in our hearts

and brings peace
to our minds.

And that's what you've
given me.

That's what I'd hoped
to give to you forever.

I love you.
I'll be seeing you, Noah

I want my Fairytale

2008-04-11T11:21:00.009+03:00

Went to the avenues yesterday after work with mommy dearest,trolled around for a bit, until she ate my head off to go back home cause her feet were hurting her :/ Came home, watched Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants :p lool, meanwhile thinking about wether i should call him and tell him to meet me for lunch on Saturday ! the phone in my hand, going back and forth in my mind..i pick it up..i put it down..so FINALLY i sent him this message "So where are you taking me to lunch on Saturday at exactly 1 pm?:p"@ 10 ish..he didn't reply, so i called him @ 11..his excuse was he was driving when he got the message..and my response was "well you're not driving now,are you?"..he was like "no but i'm ordering food"..LOL AY SHAY ?? Boys will be boys!!

the guy works with me!! and it's sort of wierd....and he thinks the same..but i've got the hots for him!!! & &..he's too adorable..and somewhat a jerk if you ask me..in my opinion, if a guy wants to make an effort to impress a girl, he can make a hell of a good job, so why don't they ?? is it me? am i not worth it ??

Only time will tell..

For the time being, here's the lyrics of my favorite song of the movie Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants..

Can I ask you a question please
Promise you won't laugh at me
Honestly I'm standing here
Afraid I'll be betrayed.
As twisted as it seems,
I only fear love when it's in my dreams
So let the morning light come in
and let the darkness fade away

Chorus:
Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?

Drowning in my loneliness
How long must I hold my breath
So much emptiness inside
I could fill the deepest sea
I reach to the sky as the moon looks on
One last year has come and gone
It's time to let your love rain down on me

Can you turn my black roses red?
Cuz I'm feelin like I'll blame it on love

*to be continued..*

Marriage !!

2008-04-10T15:57:00.006+03:00

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

2008-04-09T13:41:00.006+03:00

The movie was out in 2005, and FUCK i just saw it like 2 weeks back!

My sister was ordering a bunch of stuff from Amazon so i went ahead and placed the order :D
i must've teared like 3/4 times while watching it! i absolutely LOVED IT!

The movie is based on the young adult book, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, by Anne Brashares. As four best friends spend their first summer apart from one another, they share a magical pair of jeans. Despite being of various shapes and sizes, each one of them fits perfectly into the pants. To keep in touch they pass these pants to each other as well as the adventures they are going through while apart.

After watching the movie, and then watching it again with my BF, lol, i turned over to her and asked her which of the 4 girls would she rather be ??

Here's the dilly:

1- Carmen : Travels to South Carolina to spend the summer with her Dad who turns out to be living with his future wifey, and her 2 kids.. She spends some time with them, and then throws a hissy fit and goes back home. After a while she phones her dad & unleashes everything, she tells how she feels and how he's been neglecting her..crying her eyes out,ofcourse..*i ask myself: does it seem familiar ?*

my favorite part of Carmen's scenes would be when she's on the phone with her father, and while she's trying to explain why she just left without a goodbye, and she's crying her heart out..you know, all these bottled up feelings just unleashed!

2- Lena : She's the shy one of the clan..girl doesn't even wear pants or a bikini..she travels to Greece to spend her summer with her grandparents..she meets this greek cutsie, and falls in love with him..he brings out the best in her..they spend the summer there together,yada yada, and then she returns and he goes back to his Uni in Athens ! ? Romantic, but..they seperate :( LOL

my favorite part of Lena's scenes is when she's standing on the rocks, looking down at the sea and thinking that those who have lost so much, lost their loved ones - are not afraid to put themselves out there and open up to love, but her, who has lost nothing, is so scared to open her heart.....and she just takes her clothes off and jumps :D the best part is that the greek guy sees her and jumps right after her,LOL :p

3- Bridgette : The one who makes everything seem funner.. travels to Mexico & sort of develops a strong crush on one of the coaches. (aka 100% off limits) She throws herself at him,but he knows his limitations......at the end they sleep together and she goes back home feeling like shit,lol..

I don't think i have a favorite part for B, i just liked her spontaneous personality, her drive for life..always wanting to be better and the best!

4- Tibby : The rebel, the one walking around saying screw the world. She stays at her hometown to work for a local Supermarket, so she can collect money for new video equipment..A new person shows up in her life unannounced, and becomes a huge part of her life..this 12 year old girl, who has leukemia! at first she finds it hard to cope with her, but after finding out about her conditions, she becomes more sympathetic..The girl eventually dies..and Tibby becomes more aware of her surroundings,and less emotionless.

This was my all-time favorite! the girl was just adorable,and oh-so smart! And yes, if i choose to be put in one of these 4 situations, it would be Tibby's! i don't know what struck me the most..i guess it would be the loss of someone dear to you..not that i wish for that to happen to me, but it just gives a whole new meaning to your life..

Even Tibby's personality rocked!! loved her..

i was googling the title of this movie, and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 popped up! :| lol i sent a message to my sister to order it, gottaa have it! must have it! shall have it! i WILL have it!!

But 1st i'm gonna watch the 1st one over again :p

infinite X's & O's

a noob's way of introducing herself

2008-04-09T12:09:00.004+03:00

I, as you very well know, am a newbie to the whole "blogging experience".I've been meaning to get one (LOL) for a while now, but have always been hesitant..And the reason being, is that i was sort of petrified of unleashing the demons in me, AKA put them all to paper, or in this case, blogging ?!! BUTTTT ,it's the best solution from my point of view, since friends & trustees always let me down.. i'm ready to take the plunge in here..So here goes.

First thing's first! This will be completely private, i shall keep my identity anonymous :p none of my friends/acquaintances will know about this! and THAT'S the best part :p Oh and none of those blogger meetings as well, do i look suicidal to you ? (Rhertorical Q)

Glad to have cleared that out, so no pesky questions about who i am and so on :p

infinite X's & O's